Hardships of the Heart

-I chose to skip a few entries and move to this one for the sole reason that it is becoming ever-more relevant every day that passes.-

6 July 2018

This notebook was intended originally to be filled with stories and experiences and thoughts from my time in Italy. And so far, it has been filled with many many thoughts, just not the ones I expected to have on this journey. However, I intend to look back on these at the end of my time here and see the growth and inspiration that I did achieve on the first real adventure of my adult life. There will be many stories and experiences to come, mind you. But before we get to that, I want to take a moment to talk about the science of love. And I hate adding such a mathematical and structured word onto a word of fluidity and freedom; but I also believe that this aspect of our lives has a certain rigidity (whether universally defined, or determined by society). Recently, I’ve had a few people in my life experiencing hardships of the heart. (Heartships, if you will…heh.) One friend is struggling to let go of someone who was supposed to be their soulmate. Meanwhile another is challenged by the way they send and receive love. And a third is working through determining what love really is, if it’s possible to be in love with multiple people, or if they can ever learn to focus that love on one person. While I don’t have any concrete answers for these people, I do have thoughts on each.

First, for the mourning soul. This is not the end. And I don’t mean that in an “It’s going to be okay” manner – because right now, it’s not okay. But this is not the end of your ability to love, or your heart’s capacity to hold someone again. This may not even be the definite end of your time with this soulmate. It may take years – or possibly even a lifetime more for you to find each other again. ‘Maybe we follow our soulmate through every life, but maybe we don’t end up with them in every life.’ – Those are not my words, but they have comforted me in a time of uncertainty. And even if that is not the case, or this person is not the other half of your soul, I have to believe that someone will come along and overwhelm your perceived threshold for love, beyond what you felt for this person your heart still clings to. Believe that your heart is too big to not love again. Otherwise, why would this hurt so badly?

Now for the heart on sensory overload. We naturally view situations and relationships from a selfish perspective, which is not inherently negative, but rather a default mode. Because the only definite answer we ever actually have is the one that comes from ourselves. This makes it easy to blame our own flaws for failed relationships – or when we process information differently. And I think this comes from a formula that society imprints on us. Person A meets Person B, they fall in love, love is linear, love dies, Person A and Person B fall out of love and move on. There are so many things wrong with having that one-dimensional mindset. Maybe it does go that way for Person A and Person B. But maybe Person C comes along, and Person A also feels love for them. Or maybe they never fall out of love, but their lives go in separate directions. Or maybe someone never moves on. Or maybe, as in this case, your heart and your senses are overloaded by the way someone else is trying to love you. Dear heart, this is not a flaw of yours or theirs. Rather that we send love the way we want to receive it. Your heart has learned independence, but dislikes isolation or distance. While the one who is sending love craves to feel it on all levels from their lover. So in this equation, neither of you want the distance, but while one heart is a pitcher trying to pour love out, the other is a glass that is already full. Maybe this other heart needs to find an empty glass to fill. And maybe your heart needs to remain full, or find an equally content heart to coexist with. In the meantime, please appreciate how capable and independent you are, and surround yourself with the like, and with those who understand where you are at.

And finally, for the heart too eager to give love. How fortunate you truly are to be able to have love for so many, in a way that some people struggle to have for one. You feel suffocated by the world demanding you to choose one and only one person to love. That you must commit yourself to them, and turn yourself off emotionally to the rest of the world. That is so threatening and isolating to a creature that is one of few who is biologically predisposed to form multiple life-long relationships. Human beings as a species become emotionally attached to everything! Other humans, animals, objects, even ideas. so why do we force ourselves to break such deep attachments in order to pursue others?

Seeing as this is a stance I’m bound to get push-back on, allow me to word it differently. I love both of my parents equally. That is a common and acceptable thought. People say the same about their children, right? When a vast majority of the time, each child has varying personalities, interests, and attitudes. I know for a fact that my parents are polar opposites. yet I love them the same amount. The only difference is why I love them. The reasons are as separate as oil and water.

Why then, if we can love multiple people of the same familial status on the same level, can we not hold space in our heart to love people of our choice the same? Now this is not an endorsement for Polygamy (to each their own though, I suppose). However, it is my way of saying: Dear troubled heart, simply because you have attached to one person, does not mean you are eternally bound to them. Nor does it mean that you must condemn the love you have for others just because you have chosen to pursue this particular love. That being said, do not sacrifice the quality of love you give for how equally you care for each of these people. There will be sacrifice in your future, for the sake of whoever you do choose to bind yourself to. And they will be worth it. But they most likely are not like you in the ability to love equally and simultaneously among many hearts. So when the time comes, be fair to that heart. In the meantime, be fair to yourself, and allow your love to flourish. Release your chains, and your soul will find its answer in time.

Our hearts are not functional or flawed based on the way we process heartbreak. On how we send or receive love. Or on how abundantly or restrictive we are with how we love. Our hearts are at the epicenter of our path to growth and self-discovery. The presence of feelings within any dealings of the heart is what defines our humanity~

[Please remember, all feedback is welcome and encouraged. Let me know what you’d like to hear me write about. Give me your thoughts and opinions in the realms and dealings of the heart. Tell me about your own experience with heartbreak or heart-healing. If you don’t feel comfortable commenting here, there is a private feedback section under the menu bar labeled “Tell me what you think”. Have a loving and peaceful day.]